TBT Blog

There is a conversation happening right now among my clergy colleagues about what to call the Jewish ceremony marking a child’s transition from adolescence to emerging adulthood. For much of history we called it “bar mitzvah,” meaning “son of the commandments.” A little over 100 years ago, we added “bat mitzvah,” when Judith Kaplan became the first daughter of the commandments. And now, with a growing desire to recognize individuals of all gender expressions, rabbis are rethinking the terms “bar” and “bat mitzvah.” 

The national Reform Rabbinic leadership organization, CCAR, recently started using the term “bet mitzvah,” which is a way of vocalizing the name of the first Hebrew letter in the words “bar” and “bat.” Here at TBT, we’ve been using the term “b’mitzvah,” for a few years, which we pronounce as the English letter B. 

Several of my rabbi friends have called me for advice, asking, “how did you convince your congregation to make the switch to ‘b’mitzvah’?” Each time, I have to tell them the truth, which is that I didn’t convince anybody. This is who we are.

This change wasn’t something that came from the top down, the clergy forcing an unwelcome new term on an ancient ritual. We changed the terminology to reflect what we already know to be true about our students and our community. That we are a congregation of straight, lesbian, gay, transgender, queer, and non-binary individuals. That we are a community of people in process, and by using the gender-neutral term “b’mitzvah,” we hold space for each person, exactly as they are right now and for who they might become in the future.

As we begin PRIDE month, there will be opportunities to include special liturgy in our services, to bake rainbow challah, to participate in our Seattle-wide community PRIDE Shabbat Service at Temple De Hirsch Sinai, and more. All of these ways of celebrating PRIDE month in our Jewish community are festive and important. And we have to remember that the essential work continues in the other 11 months of the year. 

This means bringing sensitivity and awareness to our conversations with fellow congregants. When we meet someone new, for example, not assuming their gender or the gender of their partner. And as a leader of the community, this means thinking about how assumptions and biases show up in all parts of synagogue life. For example, I am careful to choose lifecycle materials for the Religious School that use language like “wedding couple” instead of “bride and groom.” Our leadership team is working on changing the gendered language of our bathroom signs. There is still work to do. 

Even though we write “b’mitzvah,” I like to think of it as “be mitzvah,” that is to embody the commandments and values of the Torah. The prefix “bet” in Hebrew means “in,” so it could also be read as “in the mitzvah.” I like that our name for our coming of age ceremony holds multiple interpretations.

Keshet, a non-profit organization that works for the full equality of all LGBTQ Jews and families in Jewish life, has a list of seven Jewish values that serve as a guideline for building an inclusive Jewish community. Each of these seven values is rooted in Torah, such as “love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18) and to see each person as created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26). When we guide our students through the b’mitzvah process, we encourage our students to reflect on what it means for them to meaningfully live as a Jewish adult. Not just going through the motions of Jewish ritual, but to really internalize the Jewish values behind the rituals. As we celebrate PRIDE month, may it inspire us to continue working towards a world where all people feel safe, seen, and valued. May it inspire us not just to do the mitzvah, but to be the mitzvah.